But, when I am feeling stressed or lonely, I get colder. I find it a lot easier to put my feelings away in a drawer and concentrate on the task at hand. This is a very handy skill because I can really focus on my work and do a great job. It also is good when you can't fix the situation except for simply working through it. I generally find crying and carrying on unproductive and I can solve so many things if I don't get emotional.
|Me at NKAIA, Afghanistan|
But, there are times when this coping skill is not entirely helpful. I miss my family like crazy, but I try not to think about them too much because I find it distracting from the task at hand and it does not make these months pass any faster.
But, my husband and kids need me to emotionally engage when I am talking to them and writing them notes. They need to feel loved and missed. And in my cold coping, I had not been communicating with them how much I wish I was there with them. And that became very obvious this week when they needed me and then felt rejected.
|My goodbye note before flying away in May.|
So how do you be a mom and wife from across the globe? How do you fit in all the love and caring you can in a 15 minute daily phone call? I don't know. But I need to figure something out so they know that I too am aching inside and want to be with them.
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